Today we take a little break from general house updates to focus on something a little bit more personal.
So. I'm now 26. I have been so lucky in a lot of areas of my life. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for and I know I am exponentially better off that billions of people. But seriously, where is he?!!?
I'm referring, of course, to Mr Right. Or, you know, any not-totally-gross-man-who-likes-me. Already this post is turning a little more woe-is-me than I was intending, but I'm sat here watching Bridget Jones and thinking that I too will one day die fat and alone, only to be found a few weeks later half eaten by Alsations. Except now we say German shepherds. No one likes me! All my friends are in long term relationships and have been for a long time. My one friend who's not seems to just meet people so easily; people want to talk to her and be with her. And she is beautiful. This has never, ever, ever, ever happened to me. I've never been out and been approached by anyone interested in me. I've never been in a long term relationship. I've never been close to be in love. I've never even been hurt, except the hurt that comes from loneliness. You know that scene where Bridget has to have dinner with smug married couples? That is my life. Tragic spinster for the past 26 years.
You see, in real life, I'm kind of weird looking. And, I'm a little bit weird in general. I'm good at pretending and talking the talk, but I do lack confidence in my image. I don't care when I'm at work standing up in front of a class of 16 year olds. But adults... The bullies from school have ruined me... I know that people are looking at me and judging me on the way I look. And, it matters to me when it's my peers: people I want to like me. We all want to be liked, don't we?
I'm torn between two ethos'. Que sera sera - if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. Or,on the other hand, if you want something, you have to go and get it and make it happen. Which one is right? I've gone for both in the past. I'm just coming out of a 'que sera sera' phase, and leaning to trying internet dating again. I should also mention that in the UK there is a lot more of a stigma attached to internet dating than in other countries.
Should I do it? What's your philosophy on life and love?