Thursday, 15 August 2013

A Little Bit Personal

Today we take a little break from general house updates to focus on something a little bit more personal.

So. I'm now 26. I have been so lucky in a lot of areas of my life. I have so much to be thankful and grateful for and I know I am exponentially better off that billions of people. But seriously, where is he?!!?

I'm referring, of course, to Mr Right. Or, you know, any not-totally-gross-man-who-likes-me. Already this post is turning a little more woe-is-me than I was intending, but I'm sat here watching Bridget Jones and thinking that I too will one day die fat and alone, only to be found a few weeks later half eaten by Alsations. Except now we say German shepherds. No one likes me! All my friends are in long term relationships and have been for a long time. My one friend who's not seems to just meet people so easily; people want to talk to her and be with her. And she is beautiful. This has never, ever, ever, ever happened to me. I've never been out and been approached by anyone interested in me. I've never been in a long term relationship. I've never been close to be in love. I've never even been hurt, except the hurt that comes from loneliness. You know that scene where Bridget has to have dinner with smug married couples? That is my life. Tragic spinster for the past 26 years.

You see, in real life, I'm kind of weird looking. And, I'm a little bit weird in general. I'm good at pretending and talking the talk, but I do lack confidence in my image. I don't care when I'm at work standing up in front of a class of 16 year olds. But adults... The bullies from school have ruined me... I know that people are looking at me and judging me on the way I look. And, it matters to me when it's my peers: people I want to like me. We all want to be liked, don't we?

I'm torn between two ethos'. Que sera sera - if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. Or,on the other hand, if you want something, you have to go and get it and make it happen. Which one is right? I've gone for both in the past. I'm just coming out of a 'que sera sera' phase, and leaning to trying internet dating again. I should also mention that in the UK there is a lot more of a stigma attached to internet dating than in other countries.

Should I do it? What's your philosophy on life and love?


  1. I feel like the internets are full of single gals tonight! While, I have had a couple of long relationships, I am currently in a dry spell myself(7 years long...) so i feel ya. I also have a 27 yr old friend who has never met a good man, despite being awesome (which I am sure you are!!)

    I wish I had some advice that wasnt cliche. All I can say is dont be picky. Go on dates with guys who might seem a bit weird to you at may find your weirdness meshes well! Also, ask friends to match you up. And try getting a single girl to hit up some bars (casual, after work crowd...not a club) and make a point of standing at the bar, making eye contact, and flashing a smile. Trust me, your friend is probably doing this eye contact/smile thing!! It is hard, you have to practice

    All the luck to you!! And maybe try the internet ;) Im going on my 4th date tonight with a man I met online :)

  2. You are not weird looking!!! My sister has never had a boyfriend and she jokes a lot about it but I think deep down she might be feeling the same way you are. I am jealous of her! She has an amazing group of girlfriends that I am envious of. I spent all of my college years seriously dating and I'm sad that I missed out on so many potential friendships because of always spending my time with my ex.

    I honestly think it's hard to meet people these days. We live in a world where EVERYTHING is on the internet, so why not dating too? Have you tried multiple sites? I agree with the comment above mine - go out and purposely be friendly towards men that seem interesting to you. Maybe it's a bookstore or coffee shop, maybe it's a pub or restaurant.

    Whatever you do, don't sell yourself short. You are an amazing woman with such a kind heart. And let me say one more time YOU ARE NOT WEIRD LOOKING.


  3. I hear you completely - and wish I had some advice. I'm trying hard to be happier with myself!

  4. Confidence is a hard thing to gain, I could go on about how unrealistic demands are put on us by society, family, and ourselves, but I'm sure you've heard all that before. This isn't meant as bragging, but I'm often told that I come off as confident, some of my friends are shocked when I have a low day and make the usual complaints about myself because they thought I was too confident for that. But I personally just fake the confidence, which means I tell myself that every single cute guy in this place is dying to be with me, and every girl is a potential new best friend. It helps quell the screaming monster of social failure that lurks within. :) Then the next thing is I try to say "hi, hows it going?" (or some variation or compliment) to everyone that spends a moment near my personal space. It does result in some people being taken aback, but most people say hi back and have a little conversation, or at least smile. I've also made headway by asking my girlfriends, married or no, if they will be my wingman to help me expand my social circles and especially to meet eligible bachelors. they have been amazing, setting aside a girls night to go out with me. I've found going with just one or two girlfriends at a time is best, you are a smaller group so less intimidating for a lone guy, or two, and also you get to bond with that friend a little more. also, they focus more on the mission of helping you be social, rather than partying it up with the gals. anyway, I hope this helps. On another note, I love your house and I think you have your act together, so remind yourself that you are doing well!!